All I did was ask my husband if I could go to New York next week, and I sent him the copy about the event from StarWars.com. He re-edited the copy. His "improvements" are in bold.
The REAL story...
If you're in New York on February 4th, join adidas Originals and Foot Locker for an Imperial March to celebrate the launch of the adidas Originals Star Wars collection. Led by some pompous short guy from the 501st in platform shoes and a Rubie's Darth Vader costume, the march will begin at Foot Locker (43-45 W. 34th St.) at 9:30AM with a celebrity guest, most likely some asstard that appeared in the background in one of the prequels for half a second. Or Andy Dick. joining at the Times Square Foot Locker (1530 Broadway) at 10:00AM.
The first 50 customers to purchase a shoe at each location will receive a special Star Wars gift, being anally raped with a Hasbro lightsaber while on-lookers gasp and cry "You paid HOW MUCH for fricking shoes with Star Trek stickers on them?" Everyone will have the opportunity to get their photo taken with Star Wars characters, actually more of the self-loving losers from the 501st who are still savoring the smell of the smoke Lucas has blown up their asses while laughing at them for being a free PR machine for his empire. The March will continue south and culminate at the SoHo ('cause it sort of sounds like Solo, y'know from the movies) adidas Originals store (136 Wooster) at 11:00AM where the special celebrity guest will break wind whilst staggering around in a drunken stupor and hitting on the least fat female fans and then unveil the adidas Skywalker shoe , which will be available for purchase for the first time in the US. DJ Neil Armstrong will be on hand spinning for the crowd. By "spinning" we do mean break dancing. And at his age, once he hits the ground he likely to break every bone in his body. Or at least the ones that haven't been replaced with space bone by his alien overlords. Nerd.
Oh, and he nixed the trip to the Big Apple.